✨ The Cult of Mickey's ✨

⚓ The Holy Shrine ⚓

📜 Our Sacred Origin Story 📜

In the beginning there was a convenience store, and the convenience store was without form, and void, and also out of the good chips. And lo, a Pilgrim did open the Cooler Door, and a great light did shine forth (it was the refrigerator bulb), and upon the shelf there sat a squat green Grenade, and it was FINE.

The Pilgrim did pay $2.49 plus tax, and did twist off the Holy Cap, and beneath it found a riddle. The Pilgrim did not understand the riddle. Nobody has ever understood the riddle. And thus our faith was born: in mystery, in wide-mouthed glass, and in mild regret the next morning.

☝ The Ten Commandments of the Grenade ☝

1. Thou shalt have no other malt liquors before Me. (Light beers are acceptable at weddings.)
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Grenade in vain, except when stubbing thy toe.
3. Remember the Weekend, and keep it chilled.
4. Honor thy cooler and thy ice, that thy beverages may be long and cold upon the land.
5. Thou shalt not drive. Seriously. The Grenade sees all, and the Grenade calls a cab.
6. Thou shalt solve the riddle under the cap, or at least pretend to, confidently.
7. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's 40.
8. Thou shalt share with the faithful, but not the last one. Never the last one.
9. Thou shalt recycle the Holy Vessel, for the glass is sacred and also worth a nickel in some states.
10. Thou shalt drink water between Grenades, for even prophets get hangovers.

🎶 Hymn No. 1: "Amazing Grenade" 🎶

Amazing Grenade, how sweet the sound,
That cracked a cap like me.
I once was dry, but now I'm found
Within the cooler, free.

'Twas Grenade that taught my lips to sip,
And riddles cleared my fears;
How precious did that bottle tip
The hour I bought three... beers.
(the meter is a work in progress)

🙏 Holy Sacraments 🙏

• The Twisting – Initiation rite. Open thy first Grenade before witnesses. Applause is mandatory.
• The Riddle Communion – The congregation gathers to stare at a bottle cap in shared confusion.
• The Paper Bag Vestments – Worn by clergy on all high holy days, and also most low ones.
• The Recycling Pilgrimage – An annual journey to the bin, carrying the empties of the faithful.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions ❓

Q: Is this a real religion?
A: How dare you. It is a FINE malt liquor faith.

Q: Do I have to give up my worldly possessions?
A: No. Keep them. You'll need somewhere to put the bottle down.

Q: Where is your church?
A: Wherever two or more are gathered on a porch.

Q: What happens after I die?
A: You will be recycled, like the glass. It is very peaceful.